So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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