When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
