got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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