all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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