onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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