you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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