Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
