youre lurking in front of me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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