dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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