Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
