Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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