I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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