why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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