it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
nutella sex= disaster
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
