you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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