on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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