I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
