oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
