Do you still have your period?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
