ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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