I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
