The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
