i just wanna soil my oats bro
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
