Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
