There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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