and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
