I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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