I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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