fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
