I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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