My cat gives me a boner
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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