the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
