Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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