Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize