Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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