I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
