I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
