hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
