Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
