I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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