i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
