yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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