Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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