Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
