your parents love me but you hate me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
