my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
