Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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