i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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