he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize