Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize