If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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