Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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