i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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