Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
