Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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