he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
