Will you blow on my dice?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
