Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
