my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
