so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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