you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
