porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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