dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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