This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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