I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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