Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize