this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
