can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
