how can u be prego again
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
