dude i'm inner monologue high
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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