I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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